My girlfriend is way too close to her ex

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been courting this woman for eight months. She tells me she and her ex-boyfriend stay good buddies, and that he’s her finest pal. She sees him often and says she has gotten over him. I plan to marry her, however she needs to ask him to our wedding ceremony. The ex offers my girlfriend cash. She says no intercourse is concerned. Ought to I drop her over this? — ALARMED IN TEXAS

DEAR ALARMED: In all probability, as a result of accepting cash from her ex-boyfriend signifies she shouldn’t be unbiased of him. 

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother and I’ve lived collectively for the previous 22 years. She raised me from the age of three. We was once finest buddies. Nonetheless, over the previous couple of years, issues have modified. We don’t agree on loads, and we’ve very totally different opinions on nearly every thing. We argue and combat with name-calling, threats and numerous disrespect. 

I’ve instructed we go to counseling a few occasions, however she’s by no means proven any curiosity. I do know I’ve an anger drawback, which I take full accountability for. I additionally know the very best factor to do in these conditions might be to show round and stroll away, however generally she pushes my buttons and I can’t assist however combat again. 

I perceive this can be a drawback that must be fastened, and I need to, however I don’t know learn how to begin. I do know you’ve written a booklet about anger. What can I do in need of shifting out? — OUT OF CONTROL IN COLORADO

DEAR OUT OF CONTROL: By admitting you have got an anger drawback, you have got already taken a major first step in coping with it. You and your grandmother aren’t the one folks experiencing heightened feelings nowadays. We stay in more and more annoying occasions which have affected most of us in a method or one other. 

Since you are actually an grownup, the character of your relationship along with your grandmother could have modified. As adults, you might be entitled to your personal opinions. Nonetheless, cheap adults don’t attempt to inflict their opinions on the folks they love. 

Recognizing what causes these flare-ups will help you keep away from taking anger out on one another. It takes self-control and maturity to react calmly as a substitute of exploding. Saying, “We each really feel strongly about this. Can we focus on this one other time?” after which going for a stroll will help to keep up a calmer perspective. 

My Anger Booklet accommodates many strategies for managing and expressing anger appropriately in varied conditions. This can be a talent that may show more and more essential as you get older. It may be ordered by sending your identify and tackle, plus a verify or cash order for $8 (U.S. funds) to Pricey Abby Anger Booklet, P.O. Field 447, Mt. Morris, IL 61054-0447. Delivery and dealing with are included within the worth. 

We stay in a time in our society when anger and divisiveness have reached new heights. As we’ve seen within the media, explosive anger is essentially the most harmful of all. Maybe anger administration needs to be taught in colleges to assist folks extra successfully talk in a wholesome method. 

Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.